A Hindu wedding

I had the opportunity to attend a friend's wedding in Chennai over the weekend.

Traditionally, Hindu wedding would last weeks, with multiple rituals, poojas (prayers), and ceremonies. This made sense when, in times long past, it might take weeks for relatives to travel from surrounding areas to witness the wedding, and they would stay as long as possible. Today, the weddings are cut short (at least of my small group of friends), and 2 days is the norm. The exact minute of the wedding is determined by the stars (choosing an auspicious time), so when a wedding falls on a weekend it is a rarity.

On Saturday morning, we set out for Chennai. Now, the trip is only about 350 km, or roughly 200 miles, and, since most of it is highway, in the US it would take 3 or 4 hours. In India, it was 7 hours. And it was a LONG 7 hours. Travel in India is not comfortable for this American, although if I were shorter or less round it might be a little easier.

We arrived at the hotel just before 6:00 PM, and the reception starts at 6:30. Yes, the reception is first. So, after attempting to shower (with no hot water), I shaved my face and head, and dressed. I was a bit annoyed, having forgotten my tie, but since I was expecting to be the ONLY person with a tie on, it didn't really matter. We walked the block or so to the marriage hall.

After some milling around, finding other co-workers, and listening to the band tune up, the ceremonies were ready to start. ALL Hindu ceremonies begin with a pooja to Ganesh, the Elephant god. This is called the Nicchiyadharatham, in case any reader cares. The brides parents conducted the ceremony, at little temple on the grounds of the marriage hall. The groom received his wedding attire, which was blessed, as were all the gifts given from the families. Each female relative then blessed the bridegroom, with the gifts (on a plate with a lump of burning something - sugar maybe) being waived in front of him while blessings are said.

When the couple returns to marriage hall, the reception begins, with each cluster of people approaching, giving their gift, having their picture taken with the happy couple, and then heading downstairs for a feast. Now, in the past my wife has described the Indian food as looking like cat food. I don't necessarily disagree, since its appearance is not an attractive one to the western eye. However, once you get past the looks, it is pretty darn good. There is plenty, and a variety of foods are presented.

Once the meal was over, we head back to the hotel to sleep. Unfortunately, my room was overlooking the street below - which meant incessant honking until after midnight, and the honking resumed just after 5:00 AM. So a little before six I got out of bed, showered in cold water again, and talked to the family via Skype. At 06:30, we met up in the lobby, and, after some discussion about whether to eat first or just go to the marriage hall, we decided to forgo breakfast knowing we would be fed anyway, and we set off for the hall.

We were the first to arrive. I am of the opinion that, if you show up on time, you are already 10 minutes late. In India, the start time of an event is more or less a general suggestion. Meeting start an average of 15 minutes late, and some people will wander in 15 minutes after that. So I was not surprised to be there before the band had set up, but I really didn't want to miss anything.

On the stage was a mandapam, a four-column structure which the priest has consecrated with fire and jasmine for the ceremony. There are many blessings, and the groom is blessed by the bride's parents. Again, the groom is given clothes, which are blessed, and he departs to change into them. The bride then takes her place in the mandapam, and there are many blessing rituals for her. Eventually she is given a new saree, which is also blessed, and she goes to change as well.

But now the groom decides he has had enough of this, and he really doesn't want to be married. While my friend may have felt like running, this is the Kashi Yatra. Nothing against the bride, of course, it's not her that he rejects, it is all the worldly things. He declares he is running off to Kashi (a holy city also called Varanasi, in northern India, on the banks of the Ganges - and one of the oldest continuously inhabited cities in the world), and out of the hall he goes, hotly pursued by the bride's family, who will spend some time asking him to come back, to please take their daughter, and become a head of the household. Eventually he is persuaded, and his feet are washed and blessed, and a ring was placed on his toe. Back into the hall the procession goes, for the wedding to conclude exactly when the stars said they should.

Once the bride and groom are seated, there are many rituals and blessings, culminating with the groom placing a string of flowers around his bride's neck and, literally, tying the knot. There is much celebrating, and gifts and pictures, and of course food. After easting, we say our goodbyes, and head back to the hotel. We checkout at 10:30 or so, and, after a long but uneventful ride, end up in Bangalore around 5:30.

Now, since it is my blog, I have a question. How do they know that they were married at the right time? I mean, assuming that 8:46 really is the most auspicious time, who's watch are they following? Mine is set by my computer, which is set to NOAA, but even then it could be off - and the priest doesn't even wear a watch. The clocks in the wedding hall all say different times. So - were they married at a lucky time, or not?