Thanksgiving

The celebration we now term as "Thanksgiving" is a bit unique in the world.

As instituted by George Washington (November 26, 1789, "as a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favours of Almighty God"), it was a day for prayerfully acknowledging God, and thanking Him that we had just won our freedom.

It was not re-instituted as a national holiday until 1863, by Abe Lincoln, when it became an annual event.  (Of course, Congress tampered with it in 1941, making it the fourth Thursday in November, giving an extra week of Christmas shopping on years when the last Thursday is just too darn close for retailers.)

On this day, I'd like to list what I am thankful for.
First, my life in Christ.  Without that, everything else becomes meaningless.  I am unworthy, yet I am still accepted into the family of God.

My precious wife, although you are now 11 time zones away from me, we will be reunited in just a couple weeks, and I can feel your love all the way over here.

My family, who supports me in every way, and even understands me sometimes.

My time in India.  It has been an awakening experience, showing me not only what another culture is like, but also giving me greater insight into my own, US-centric worldview.

My job.  Too many people I know dislike their job, or are trying to find one.  I have a job I normally enjoy, and seems to be stable - or will be, when I return to the US.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.  Take some time to give thanks, "with grateful hearts the many and signal favours of Almighty God"

Depression depresses me...

According to Wikipedia (the reference for people too lazy to look things up and verify for themselves): 

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can have a negative effect on a person's thoughts, behavior, feelings, world view and physical well-being.  Depressed people may feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, worried, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, hurt or restless. They may lose interest in activities that once were pleasurable, experience loss of appetite or overeating, have problems concentrating, remembering details, or making decisions and may contemplate or attempt suicide.  Insomnia, Excessive sleeping, fatigue, loss of energy, or aches, pains or digestive problems that are resistant to treatment may also be present.

I believe I an suffering from depression.  Now, before you go calling the suicide hotline on my behalf, lets be blunt - depression is a MOOD.  Many times it is temporary, and in my case I believe this to be the case.  I think that when all my India packing is complete, and my feet are back on American soil, most, if not all, of my symptoms will vanish.  But for now, when combined with my ever-present anxiety and my panic attacks - well, let's just say it isn't much fun.  If it continues past my return home, then I will have myself evaluated by a professional. 

I find myself thinking about death a lot.  This is not necessarily bad - we each will die, and coming to grips with that is probably part of the human condition.  I find myself lethargic, constantly tired, and able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat.  I have begun suffering from indigestion after every meal, whether it is spicy, or bland.  My anxiety and panic attacks kick in, and I swear I am having a heart attack - until I belch, and all the pressure vanishes.  I find myself walking a lot, just to relieve the gas - also, probably a good thing.

I chose to keep my middle child, my 12 year old daughter, in India with me.  I do not regret it, but she figures into my fears now as well - What if she has another allergic reaction?  What if my fears are realized, and I pass out or do suffer a medical emergency?  What if - well, fill in the blank.  There are a lot of scary possibilities when you alone are responsible for a child half a world away from anything familiar.

I am down to my last 3 weeks, give or take a few days.  I intend to do as much as I can, on what I have referred to as my "Fairwell Tour of Bangalore".  Yes, I know it is normally spelled "farewell", but I also know Bangalore can be more Fair or Carnival than anything else, so I'll keep the spelling I like, thank you very much.  I have much work to accomplish, and a lot of "fun" things to do as well.  These last weeks and weekends will be busy, and I want to enjoy them.

I don't want to be worried every minute of every day - yet I seem to be.  Constantly.  I find that my last weeks is what should be a joyful time are marred, and I have nobody to blame but myself.

I just wish I knew how to fix it.