Dignity in Death

In "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull", there is a line of dialog, something like "we've reached the age were life starts taking things away". Myself and my peers seem to have reached that age as well.

Late in February, I lost my step-dad. My mom and I were in the hospital room with him when he passed, and it was mostly peaceful. (HERE if curious.)

Several weeks ago, my former Pastor lost his wife after a lifetime of pain and illness. Nancy still managed to be an inspiration to those around her for many many years.

Last week my half-sister lost her step-dad. He had been in a coma, and the decision was made to remove support.

Today I learned that my friend's mother is on a BiPAP, and has difficulty breathing without it. The prognosis is not good, and she may never leave the hospital, or she may return home for hospice care.

As painful as it is, death is an important part of life. Since being in India, I have come to some realizations about our western culture, especially our attitudes towards death and our own mortality.

Until relatively recently, people died where they lived - at home. Viewings (showings for my Midwestern friends) would be held at home, in the fanciest room of the home - the Parlor. Death was a common occurrence, common enough that children would probably see a dead body well before their teens.

In 1918, the "Great Influenza Pandemic" hit. 50 - 100 Million people died (3% to 6% of the world's population), including 500,000 to 675,000 in the US (.5%). Parlors became a place filled with the dead awaiting their funerals. The front room began to be referred to as "The Death Room."

When the pandemic passed, the Ladies Home Journal suggested that the room be renamed to "Living Room". The name stuck. Attitudes began to change about funerals, and viewings were shifted to "Funeral Parlors", away from homes.

Perhaps because death is not in familiar surroundings, it has become very frightening, instead of the natural event that it is. I believe this sterilization of the normal process creates undo fear in people. Granted, some people pass on more peacefully than others. But everyone deserves the comfort and support their family can provide, both to the deceased and for those mourning.

In India, most deaths occur at home. I have never seen a funeral home. I don't believe there is such a thing. Hindu custom is that the body is cremated on a funeral pyre as soon as the eldest son can arrive to light it. (Sati, the practice of the wife throwing herself on the funeral pyre, is rare and forbidden by law since 1829.) The body is transferred from the home to the place of immolation with flowers and mourners (and, now days, on a open three-wheeled truck). The body is consumed by the fire, the ashes are scattered on a river, and the mourners walk away without looking back.

I don't know what should be, and every person and family has a different idea of what is best for them. I have tried to share with my children the difference between a person and their body. The body WILL die. The person WILL live.

There is an old bumper sticker - "When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep - not screaming like the passengers in his car." We all want to go peacefully. And what better way to have peace than surrounded by caring loved ones?

Commonwealth Games, half-way point

The good news for India is that the commonwealth games didn't end up the disaster that many feared they would.

On the other hand, a lot has gone wrong.

On Day 5 of the competitions, India is way ahead of what they expected in the medal count. Of course, some athletes chose to stay home when the pictures of the deplorable rooms in the athletes village were aired. And Australia and England lost most of their swim teams to "Delhi Belly". (The pool water was tested, and came up clean - but that only leaves food, drinking water, bathing water, and a billion other things that could have caused it.) The toilets all backing up at the swimming venue was just another little glitch.

A 25 foot high electronic scoreboard crashed to the ground at the Rugby stadium. Luckily they have until Monday to fix it, so something will be up - what is anybody's guess.

Plumbing problems have plagued the athletes village. Thousands of condoms blocked the drainage. Apparently the athletes quarters are not THAT bad.

The grounds crew is scrambling to patch cracks discovered in the running tracks. You know, the ones built just for these games.

There was a mess-up after the woman's 100 meter race. The athlete that finished first was announced the winner, even though a team had lodged an official complaint, and she was eventually disqualified for false starting. News finally reached her just a few minutes before the medal presentation. Apparently the official communications work as well as the plumbing.

Wild dogs and monkeys have created a nuisance, running wild around and menacing athletes and spectators alike. Monkeys may look cute, but a 50 lb animal with 3 inch teeth is an imposing force - especially when he wants your ice cream.

Oh, and a King Cobra was found in the South African sleeping quarters. Must be like a door prize or something.

Perhaps the strangest thing is the stadiums appear to be empty. I mean, other than the athletes and the officials, NOBODY is in the stands. Nobody. Supposedly 900,000 tickets were sold. If that is the case, they must all have gotten lost on the way to the stadium. I have seen more people at U14 girls soccer games. But we didn't have monkeys and wild dogs.

And now I will gripe about the television coverage, because it's my blog and I want to. when I watch Olympics coverage in the US, they show the top teams - US or not. They may show a few minutes of Americans getting their butts kicked, but whether the US medals is not a factor in what events are shown. Yes, there are some events I am only mildly interested in (Ice Dancing? Really?), but there is enough "unusual" sports (curling, for example) that two weeks of prime time goes by pretty quickly.

Here, in India, though, it is All India, All The Time. I have seen exactly one event that India was not competing in (Lawn Bowling - that deserves it's own blog entry, if I can ever understand the rules). Every other sport has shown India victorious. Yet when I look at the actual medal count, India is 2nd in Gold medals (20, less than half Australia's 47), and 3rd in total medals (47, behind Australia's 98 and England's 70). So what gives?

I think it is another example of India's "Chalta Hai" attitude - rather than show people the best that each sport has to offer, let's make it about patriotism. Show only India victories. Anything else might make the people sad, and we don't want that.

India has a lot to be proud of, considering where these games were just a month or so ago. And they have a lot to be upset about. To quote the AP "Previous problems in the leadup to the games included construction delays, corruption allegations, concerns about security, outbreaks of dengue fever and, perhaps the most damaging, complaints about unfinished and filthy accommodations in the athletes' village just days before teams were due to arrive."

There is light at the end of the tunnel. And hopefully it is not an oncoming train.